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Monday, April 05, 2004
It isn’t until the last minute that I realize that I have no idea what I’m doing.
Like the knee thing. The problems are endless. Do you say it before or after? After seems more appropriate, but then what if she’s standing up? The height difference could make it hard to hear, and that would be the worst time for miscommunication. What about uneven terrain? Not only could that exacerbate the height problem, but the risk of tipping over seems immense. Do you put your strongest leg on the ground, to give you a better chance of bracing yourself against the pull of gravity, or do you keep your strongest leg up, so that you can quickly leap to your feet if necessary? And what if you kneel in gum?
These are the questions that are flitting crazily through my mind as we stroll arm in arm down the sidewalk. The beautiful summery day has gradually given way to a crisp, cool Seattle evening, and as we walk I realize that I have about 15 minutes to figure out what I’m going to do.
• • •
I had this whole thing under control an hour ago. We would go to dinner, take a walk, and then I’d make my move. I had my suit on. I talked her out of Baja Fresh in favor of a nice Italian restaurant. I even snuck out of work that afternoon and bought her a ring – a temporary one, because the real one was going to take too long to arrive. It was going to be perfect.
Where did things go wrong?
• • •
We're slowly making our way around the neighborhood. I’ve run the numbers a hundred times in the last block and a half, and sitting down seems to be the key to everything. It allows me to minimize the distance between my mouth and her ears, it insures relatively even ground, and it gives me less distance to fall should my feet get tangled up on the way down.
The problem is that there’s nowhere to sit! The street we’re on has nothing but houses as far as the eye can see. Where are all the parks, for crying out loud? Wasn’t there some kind of referendum a couple of years ago to build more parks, the kind with benches? Didn’t I vote for that? Why didn’t I vote for that?
Calm down. Focus. There are benches at her house. We can sit there. I just need to steer the conversation in that direction so it doesn’t seem too unnatural.
“Boy, I sure would like to sit down,” I say, cleverly laying the groundwork. “It sure would be great to just sit with you and enjoy the evening.”
“It’s too cold to just sit outside,” she says.
“No, it’s not,” I protest, shivering inside my suit jacket. “It’s a nice night.” I can barely hear myself over the chattering of my teeth.
“No, I don’t want to sit. I need to keep moving.”
Damn it! Why did the beautiful summery day have to gradually give way to a crisp, cool Seattle evening? Couldn’t it have stayed summery, at least for a couple more hours?
As we round the last corner and turn onto her street, panic is starting to set in. My heart is pounding in my chest. I have no idea how this is going to go, or even how I’m going to bring it up. To make things worse, I have no way of choreographing the situation to my liking, short of throwing her over my shoulder, fireman-style, and carrying her to the benches in the back yard. Why didn’t I plan this more carefully? Why did my normally-painstaking attention to detail have to fail me now, of all times?
“Here we are,” she says as her front stoop comes into view. The butterflies in my stomach make a grand, daring swoop. What am I going to say? My mouth is dry, and my mind is completely blank.
And then – a ray of hope. As we reach the front of her house, she stops and puts her arms around me.
“I’m going to love you forever,” she says dreamily, resting her head on my shoulder.
Holy crap! She’s given me the perfect opening! I can just jump in any time…
“I really, really love you,” she says.
…Any! time! Say something, for crying out loud! She’s going to let go of you soon and walk inside - this is your chance!
“Um…yeah…I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that…”
Oh my god, did I just say that? I sound like an insurance salesman. What the hell am I doing? This is a complete disaster!
And then…calm.
Suddenly the words are there, and I’m on one knee, and I can feel the sloping concrete through the leg of my pants, but I know I’m not going to fall. Her face is shrouded in shadow from the streetlight behind her, but I can see that she’s smiling, and although I can’t really hear the words that are coming out of her mouth because of all the blood rushing through my ears, I’m pretty sure that one of them is “yes”. And then I’m standing, and we’re kissing, and it’s the best kiss ever, and then I’m taking the ring out of my pocket, and she loves it, and somehow, magically, it fits. Then we’re kissing again, and the streetlight is so orange that even through my eyelids it feels like I’m looking into the sun, or maybe that’s just her I see. And now we’re sitting on the steps with our arms around each other, and her bright, beautiful eyes are looking up at me, and I love her so much, and somehow the night doesn’t seem so cold anymore.
And just like that, we’re engaged. I asked, and she agreed.
And it was perfect.
Like the knee thing. The problems are endless. Do you say it before or after? After seems more appropriate, but then what if she’s standing up? The height difference could make it hard to hear, and that would be the worst time for miscommunication. What about uneven terrain? Not only could that exacerbate the height problem, but the risk of tipping over seems immense. Do you put your strongest leg on the ground, to give you a better chance of bracing yourself against the pull of gravity, or do you keep your strongest leg up, so that you can quickly leap to your feet if necessary? And what if you kneel in gum?
These are the questions that are flitting crazily through my mind as we stroll arm in arm down the sidewalk. The beautiful summery day has gradually given way to a crisp, cool Seattle evening, and as we walk I realize that I have about 15 minutes to figure out what I’m going to do.
I had this whole thing under control an hour ago. We would go to dinner, take a walk, and then I’d make my move. I had my suit on. I talked her out of Baja Fresh in favor of a nice Italian restaurant. I even snuck out of work that afternoon and bought her a ring – a temporary one, because the real one was going to take too long to arrive. It was going to be perfect.
Where did things go wrong?
We're slowly making our way around the neighborhood. I’ve run the numbers a hundred times in the last block and a half, and sitting down seems to be the key to everything. It allows me to minimize the distance between my mouth and her ears, it insures relatively even ground, and it gives me less distance to fall should my feet get tangled up on the way down.
The problem is that there’s nowhere to sit! The street we’re on has nothing but houses as far as the eye can see. Where are all the parks, for crying out loud? Wasn’t there some kind of referendum a couple of years ago to build more parks, the kind with benches? Didn’t I vote for that? Why didn’t I vote for that?
Calm down. Focus. There are benches at her house. We can sit there. I just need to steer the conversation in that direction so it doesn’t seem too unnatural.
“Boy, I sure would like to sit down,” I say, cleverly laying the groundwork. “It sure would be great to just sit with you and enjoy the evening.”
“It’s too cold to just sit outside,” she says.
“No, it’s not,” I protest, shivering inside my suit jacket. “It’s a nice night.” I can barely hear myself over the chattering of my teeth.
“No, I don’t want to sit. I need to keep moving.”
Damn it! Why did the beautiful summery day have to gradually give way to a crisp, cool Seattle evening? Couldn’t it have stayed summery, at least for a couple more hours?
As we round the last corner and turn onto her street, panic is starting to set in. My heart is pounding in my chest. I have no idea how this is going to go, or even how I’m going to bring it up. To make things worse, I have no way of choreographing the situation to my liking, short of throwing her over my shoulder, fireman-style, and carrying her to the benches in the back yard. Why didn’t I plan this more carefully? Why did my normally-painstaking attention to detail have to fail me now, of all times?
“Here we are,” she says as her front stoop comes into view. The butterflies in my stomach make a grand, daring swoop. What am I going to say? My mouth is dry, and my mind is completely blank.
And then – a ray of hope. As we reach the front of her house, she stops and puts her arms around me.
“I’m going to love you forever,” she says dreamily, resting her head on my shoulder.
Holy crap! She’s given me the perfect opening! I can just jump in any time…
“I really, really love you,” she says.
…Any! time! Say something, for crying out loud! She’s going to let go of you soon and walk inside - this is your chance!
“Um…yeah…I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that…”
Oh my god, did I just say that? I sound like an insurance salesman. What the hell am I doing? This is a complete disaster!
And then…calm.
Suddenly the words are there, and I’m on one knee, and I can feel the sloping concrete through the leg of my pants, but I know I’m not going to fall. Her face is shrouded in shadow from the streetlight behind her, but I can see that she’s smiling, and although I can’t really hear the words that are coming out of her mouth because of all the blood rushing through my ears, I’m pretty sure that one of them is “yes”. And then I’m standing, and we’re kissing, and it’s the best kiss ever, and then I’m taking the ring out of my pocket, and she loves it, and somehow, magically, it fits. Then we’re kissing again, and the streetlight is so orange that even through my eyelids it feels like I’m looking into the sun, or maybe that’s just her I see. And now we’re sitting on the steps with our arms around each other, and her bright, beautiful eyes are looking up at me, and I love her so much, and somehow the night doesn’t seem so cold anymore.
And just like that, we’re engaged. I asked, and she agreed.
And it was perfect.