Do you ever have an experience so inexplicable that it makes you wonder if maybe you're the one that is messed up? I went to Quizno's for lunch today and had the following exchange with the woman behind the counter:

Me: I would like the Ham and Swiss with no mustard or mayonnaise.

Woman: Ham and swiss?

Me: Yes. With no mustard or mayo.

Woman: White or wheat bread?

Me: Wheat, please.

Woman: (She gets a piece of bread and picks up a bottle.) Mustard?

Me: Um...no. No mustard.

Woman: (picks up another bottle) Mayo?

Me: Ummm...no. Neither mustard nor mayo. Neither.

Woman: (She slices the bread and puts mayo all over it)

Me: No, I said no mayo.

Woman: Oh, right, no mayo. (She slices another piece of bread) Mustard?

It was like ordering a sandwich from the guy in Memento. By the end I was so confused that my mind was grasping for any available explanation:

Did I actually tell her that I didn't want mustard or mayo? Maybe I was only saying it in my head this whole time. Surely no one could forget something that quickly, so I must have done something wrong. Say, maybe I'm not actually here. Maybe I'm actually a ghost, and she's been talking to the guy behind me this whole time. That would certainly explain the repeated discrepancy between what I say and what happens. Or maybe the principle of causality has simply come unhinged. Have I've done anything recently to cause a local reversal in the laws of thermodynamics?

Note to fast food restaurant managers: when your customers have to resort to thermodynamics to explain why your service is so bad, you might want to think about making some changes.