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Friday, October 24, 2003
Effects of big solar flare reach Earth on Friday
From the article:
From the article:
"Satellites are perhaps most affected by the solar activity.Ah yes, the luxury of banking! There's nothing I enjoy more than lounging around in my mansion and wallowing in the decadent pleasure of such luxuries as banking, the use of currency instead of a barter system, mass production using interchangeable parts, and systems of writing that allow complex record-keeping. Next week I'll be jetting to a private resort on the French Riviera, where I will indulge in the many sinful delights of the wheel. I wonder what the lower primates are doing this season?
'Satellites live and breathe in space; they are very vulnerable to solar activity,' said Larry Combs, NOAA space weather forecaster. 'They affect our banking systems, our TVs and cell phones, all the luxuries of life.' "
Monday, October 20, 2003
IMPORTANT UPDATE! READ IMMEDIATELY!
Thomas Pynchon to Appear On "The Simpsons"
OK, so maybe it wasn't that important. Still, I am amazingly excited about this. It's like they've been reading my blog or something. As far as I'm concerned, getting Pynchon to appear on their show is one of the biggest coups The Simpsons has ever managed. And I'm not just saying that because I'm a drooling fanboy.
Here's the blog where the report first surfaced. The Boston Globe refers to its creator as an "online diarist", which I think sounds far more elegant than "blogger". From now on, I shall be a diarist! (I'm not changing my nav, though.)
Almost Meeting Pynchon
Swoon...
Thomas Pynchon to Appear On "The Simpsons"
OK, so maybe it wasn't that important. Still, I am amazingly excited about this. It's like they've been reading my blog or something. As far as I'm concerned, getting Pynchon to appear on their show is one of the biggest coups The Simpsons has ever managed. And I'm not just saying that because I'm a drooling fanboy.
Here's the blog where the report first surfaced. The Boston Globe refers to its creator as an "online diarist", which I think sounds far more elegant than "blogger". From now on, I shall be a diarist! (I'm not changing my nav, though.)
Almost Meeting Pynchon
Swoon...
Sunday, October 19, 2003
As a chronically single person, I've noticed that society seems to have an interesting attitude towards people who eat alone. I witnessed a demonstration of this tonight.
At around 4:30 this afternoon, I became aware of three things: 1) that I hadn't accomplished anything all weekend (besides spending yet MORE money on clothes. Gah!), 2) that I hadn't had a decent meal in three days, and 3) that I hadn't had any meal at all in almost 24 hours. I decided to kill three birds with one stone by going to The Keg for some real food while planning my NaNoWriMo novel.
When I walked in, I asked the hostess for a table by the window. The Keg is pretty dark, and I needed to see to take notes.
"Certainly," she said. "Right this way."
She showed me to a table and indicated a chair facing the window. Instead, I sat in a chair with my back to the window so that the light would fall on the table instead of directly in my eyes. She acted confused for a moment, and then looked concernedly at me.
"Do you want something to read?" she asked.
"Huh?"
"Something to read? The Sunday paper, maybe?" She spoke in hushed tones and made a strange face at me.
"Uh, no, I have something to work on," I said slowly, taking the note cards from my pocket and proffering them as evidence.
"Oh, you came prepared," she said, slightly surprised, and walked away stiffly.
It wasn't until she left that I understood what had just transpired. When I asked for a table for one by the window, she must have assumed that I wanted to look outside while I ate, staring with dead eyes at the world that had so cruelly rejected me, pining for some meager morsel of human contact. When I sat facing away from the window, she wondered what the hell I was going to do for an hour and a half while I ate. She quickly offered me something, anything, to distract me from the reality of my mean existence, lest my quiet sobbing depress the other customers and keep them from ordering from the profitable wine and dessert cart.
OK, I'm being dramatic, but do you see my point? Where does she get off assuming that I'm some loser that can't make it through a meal on my own? Isn't it possible that sometimes people actually like to be alone? Must we always assume that those who are by themselves without any visible diversion are pathetic sad sacks who require the waitstaff at restaurants to entertain them? You're thinking that maybe she was just being considerate, but you didn't see the look on her face. It seemed to indicate that she was going straight from my table to the women's lounge to have a good cry. I felt like offering her the Sunday paper, just to keep her mind off of my upsettingly pathetic lifestyle.
What is it about meals that require you to be with someone else, anyway? Practically speaking, meals are some of the worst times to be around another person. Not only are you more likely to offend your guest with your lousy table manners (Yes, you! You know what I'm talking about!), but it's also impossible to talk for a good portion of the time because your mouth is full of food. I think it's surprising that the majority of people don't choose to eat alone.
Nevertheless, in spite of the numerous advantages of not having a dinner date, it is unlikely that society is going to change its attitude anytime soon. Society is notoriously set in its ways, and it almost never listens to my advice.
I would therefore like to propose a new online venture aimed at reducing the ridicule people suffer when eating by themselves. It would be kind of like Friendster, except that instead of attempting to set you up on a date with some weirdo in Tuscon that you don't know but who also happens to like The Propellerheads and Barton Fink, this service helps you find a beard to sit with you while you eat.
I'll call it "LoserNet", or maybe "Eatster". You log in on your mobile phone or Blackberry, enter your coordinates, and it tells you the locations of other single people who are, at that moment, preparing for a solitary meal. You pick someone and view their picture, so that you can greet them at the restaurant. You then, by mutual agreement, eat your meal without speaking, thus allowing both parties to think about that Sylvia Plath poem they just read, or brainstorm ideas for the rough draft of their suicide note. The hostess will still give you knowing looks, but instead of thinking you're a couple of losers she will assume that you are a feuding couple on the verge of splitting up. Let's face it - feuding couples are way more socially acceptable than single people. Who knows, the hostess might even slip you her phone number in an attempt to catch you on the rebound.
I'm still in the process of raising venture capital for this new business, but rest assured that I'll make an announcement here as soon as it's ready. And if anyone wants to work for me at Eatster, please send me email. Note that our company won't have a lunch room. Everyone will be expected to eat in their cubicles. By themselves.
At around 4:30 this afternoon, I became aware of three things: 1) that I hadn't accomplished anything all weekend (besides spending yet MORE money on clothes. Gah!), 2) that I hadn't had a decent meal in three days, and 3) that I hadn't had any meal at all in almost 24 hours. I decided to kill three birds with one stone by going to The Keg for some real food while planning my NaNoWriMo novel.
When I walked in, I asked the hostess for a table by the window. The Keg is pretty dark, and I needed to see to take notes.
"Certainly," she said. "Right this way."
She showed me to a table and indicated a chair facing the window. Instead, I sat in a chair with my back to the window so that the light would fall on the table instead of directly in my eyes. She acted confused for a moment, and then looked concernedly at me.
"Do you want something to read?" she asked.
"Huh?"
"Something to read? The Sunday paper, maybe?" She spoke in hushed tones and made a strange face at me.
"Uh, no, I have something to work on," I said slowly, taking the note cards from my pocket and proffering them as evidence.
"Oh, you came prepared," she said, slightly surprised, and walked away stiffly.
It wasn't until she left that I understood what had just transpired. When I asked for a table for one by the window, she must have assumed that I wanted to look outside while I ate, staring with dead eyes at the world that had so cruelly rejected me, pining for some meager morsel of human contact. When I sat facing away from the window, she wondered what the hell I was going to do for an hour and a half while I ate. She quickly offered me something, anything, to distract me from the reality of my mean existence, lest my quiet sobbing depress the other customers and keep them from ordering from the profitable wine and dessert cart.
OK, I'm being dramatic, but do you see my point? Where does she get off assuming that I'm some loser that can't make it through a meal on my own? Isn't it possible that sometimes people actually like to be alone? Must we always assume that those who are by themselves without any visible diversion are pathetic sad sacks who require the waitstaff at restaurants to entertain them? You're thinking that maybe she was just being considerate, but you didn't see the look on her face. It seemed to indicate that she was going straight from my table to the women's lounge to have a good cry. I felt like offering her the Sunday paper, just to keep her mind off of my upsettingly pathetic lifestyle.
What is it about meals that require you to be with someone else, anyway? Practically speaking, meals are some of the worst times to be around another person. Not only are you more likely to offend your guest with your lousy table manners (Yes, you! You know what I'm talking about!), but it's also impossible to talk for a good portion of the time because your mouth is full of food. I think it's surprising that the majority of people don't choose to eat alone.
Nevertheless, in spite of the numerous advantages of not having a dinner date, it is unlikely that society is going to change its attitude anytime soon. Society is notoriously set in its ways, and it almost never listens to my advice.
I would therefore like to propose a new online venture aimed at reducing the ridicule people suffer when eating by themselves. It would be kind of like Friendster, except that instead of attempting to set you up on a date with some weirdo in Tuscon that you don't know but who also happens to like The Propellerheads and Barton Fink, this service helps you find a beard to sit with you while you eat.
I'll call it "LoserNet", or maybe "Eatster". You log in on your mobile phone or Blackberry, enter your coordinates, and it tells you the locations of other single people who are, at that moment, preparing for a solitary meal. You pick someone and view their picture, so that you can greet them at the restaurant. You then, by mutual agreement, eat your meal without speaking, thus allowing both parties to think about that Sylvia Plath poem they just read, or brainstorm ideas for the rough draft of their suicide note. The hostess will still give you knowing looks, but instead of thinking you're a couple of losers she will assume that you are a feuding couple on the verge of splitting up. Let's face it - feuding couples are way more socially acceptable than single people. Who knows, the hostess might even slip you her phone number in an attempt to catch you on the rebound.
I'm still in the process of raising venture capital for this new business, but rest assured that I'll make an announcement here as soon as it's ready. And if anyone wants to work for me at Eatster, please send me email. Note that our company won't have a lunch room. Everyone will be expected to eat in their cubicles. By themselves.